Be tough?

You want a thicker skin for dealing with the world, not for protecting your heart from someone who professes to care about you.

Mutality.

Many of the stories that readers share about their relationship experiences, in a nutshell boil down to things not being mutual. Lack of mutual interest, lack of mutual words and actions, lack of mutual values, lack of mutual love, care, trust, and respect and lack of mutual feelings and relationship. Unfortunately, if it’s not mutual, whatever you have in mind for the relationship isn’t going to happen.

The harder you work at what is already on an imbalanced and unhealthy footing is the less mutual it becomes, especially as what you feel and do becomes distorted.

You’ll end up feeling rejected, being confused, in pursuit and feeling like you have to ‘win’ them over and in turn, not good enough, and you’ll get overwhelmed by your feelings if you don’t opt out at the lack of mutuality. It’ll become difficult to distinguish between who feels what and who is doing what.

And maybe that’s what’s so incredibly difficult to get your head around in these situations; how can you be feeling these feelings ‘alone’?

It can boggle the mind to fathom how you can feel something so deep, so all encompassing, so consuming…that the other person doesn’t feel. How can this be? Surely we can’t feel so intensely for someone without having some contribution from them?

It’s like raising your hand and saying “Gimme five…” and then being left hanging, only it’s your heart hanging over a precipice.

 Real, mutual love doesn’t have ‘buts’. You don’t need someone saying “I love you but…you know my situation” or “I love you but I can’t give you what you want” or even “I love you and we’ll always be friends but…”

You want someone to say “I love you” – simplicity. After they say it, you continue about your life together, a life I might add that reflects that of two people who love each other mutually. You hug, you kiss, you make plans, those plans come to fruition but before you even make plans, you can even get on and enjoy the simple, normal things that make up the day to day.

There’s no being left hanging. Loving someone that doesn’t step up and ‘meet’ you in a mutual relationship is like throwing your energy into the abyss. It’s demoralising.

It’s impossible to quantify what another person feels and work out if what you feel is what they feel. Any one us can profess anything we like, hence why love is an action feeling. We see how mutual something is by the results. If you look around and you see the results are, that you’re still waiting around for someone to give you back what you’ve already been putting out, or that you’re in pain, miserable with fleeting highs... that’s a poor result. It’s not one that you need to correct – it’s one you need to opt out of.

This means that there must be proportionate relationship to back up my feelings or the deal is off. This put a stop to all Betting On Potential, being immersed in denying, rationalising, and minimising, and basically compensating for the type of effort that no-one should ever make up the shortfall for. If they’ve walked and moved on or are failing to to give me a mutually fulfilling relationship, I’m not going to fight for something that’s broken by its lack of mutuality.

If they’re not loving you back and reflecting it into a mutually fulfilling loving relationship, it’s time to step.

Loving someone alone or in an imbalanced, unsatisfying, often somewhat ambiguous setting is beneath you. Mutual relationships take two and you can’tmake someone love you. You’ve tried and it doesn’t work, so don’t continue to force it.

Separate out what you think, feel, see, and do. How much of this is evidentially similar to what they claim to think, feel, see, and do? Remember that love, even when it’s healthy doesn’t make you Siamese twins or Mystic Meg. You can only legislate for you. Love doesn’t create an IOU hence you don’t have to feel like you’re owed if you only get into and stay in this when it’s mutual.

You’re better than this. Pain is not love, it’s pain. Love does not sell you short.


From www.baggagereclaim.co.uk

It's 4 o'clock in the morning....

Yup. I know something's on my mind and well, that I'm not listening to myself when I can't sleep. the manifestation of "anxiety" or that "weird" feeling that I get is always the culprit. It's not a racing thought sort of thing...it's the thing that happens when my soul wants to go in one direction and my ego finds enough reasons to stay in the same place. Perhaps that's where the anxiety stems from - the struggle between my inner truth and my outer ego. I've been here before but it's different this time. I have experience under my belt...and I get it.

Every time you let someone into your life - I feel it's for a reason. There's karma you have to work out through the relationship...whether it be friendship, working together, romance, family...ect. I finally understand where my relationship "anxiety" or "preoccupation" stems from. It's really a subconscious thing. I'm sure most people would just ignore it or compartimentalize it or whatever. For me, it weighs heavily until I can figure it out, bring the emotion it bears into the light, deal with it, and move on. It's the desire for self-understanding...the desire to work through that karma in order to move on to the next level of Self. This anxiety-type feeling or whatever you want to call it -it's a tough thing to define-is at the subconscious level. It's deeply rooted and probably stems from infancy. For many years, I wanted to always blame myself for feeling like this...why couldn't I just be okay? What is this painful feeling? Why can't I just not have emotions? It's like I attempted to just shut off this instinctual reaction. I guess now that I understand why and where this is coming from, my question is how do I deal with this? Can you change this attachment? Or at least, how do I work with it?

I think it's about knowing how you want to feel. It's one thing to be okay on your own but we all desire relationships, especially romantical ones. The energy of someone else will always enmesh with your own and I think it's about finding the energy that compliments rather than irritates your own. The funny thing is, most people end up in relationships of irritational energy and attachment. Opposites attract. However, we often don't feel that irritation until after we're already invested and attached. It's such a peculiar phenomenon. I think for me, the question is how do I end that pattern?

I recently listened to something on the internet that talked about manifestation. It's has to do with changing those accumulated pattern of thoughts by replacing them with how you want to feel and what you do want...then imagining that you already have it deep down at the soul level. In a way, I guess it's like being the person you would want in your life and doing the things that honor you. It's clarifying those feelings to a tee and understanding that you CAN get it and taking action about it on a soul level. (Kind of like the Secret, I suppose.) The biggest difference is the fact that you have to truly feel how you want to feel consistently instead of just telling the universe what you think you want or need. It's looking back in your memories for a time when you felt that way and rekindling that feeling into the present....knowing that it's always been there and can be there with someone else.