This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear.
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control....
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go...
I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last,
I wish it wasn't so...
What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending is starting again
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what i haven't got...
- Linkin Park
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
How can the heart in love ever stop opening?
I think about love a lot. Does anyone else? I was folding my clean clothes a few minutes ago and thought...
"I wish love could be more like that Sims game."
As in, you wear this unique symbol over your head that no one else in the world has, except the person you are supposed to Be With. That would make dating a lot easier...but not as interesting and introspective, I guess.
I know I torture myself with the question Why? all the time. However, my ever-pondering mind and soul doesn't feel totally complete unless I know the reason behind why things happen...why things are the way they are and how they got that way. I'm always wondering why certain people come and go, maybe stay, in my life. The reason isn't always apparent at first. Maybe I even just make it up in order to give things a significance.
Perhaps I'm just hoping to run into That Person with a matching shape.
"I wish love could be more like that Sims game."
As in, you wear this unique symbol over your head that no one else in the world has, except the person you are supposed to Be With. That would make dating a lot easier...but not as interesting and introspective, I guess.
I know I torture myself with the question Why? all the time. However, my ever-pondering mind and soul doesn't feel totally complete unless I know the reason behind why things happen...why things are the way they are and how they got that way. I'm always wondering why certain people come and go, maybe stay, in my life. The reason isn't always apparent at first. Maybe I even just make it up in order to give things a significance.
Perhaps I'm just hoping to run into That Person with a matching shape.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The Roaring 20's
Another well written snippet that intrigued me.
"The twenties are known by some to be that relatively easy era beyond the strife of adolescence, a time of openness, discovery, and experimentation. You are no longer a wildly hormonal zit-driven hater of your parents. You’ve likely graduated from at least one institution, according to statistics, probably at least one institution of higher learning. But anyone that’s a hair beyond twenty-five knows that any light reading of the late twenties is as fake as a Louis Vuitton in Chinatown. Like most myths about aging, this one is a doozey. The twenties can be hard. Really, really hard.
But why, god, why is it so hard? The universal complaints of the Saturn Return show us that it is not a simply a falsely imposed cultural construction. Western culture (American in particular) is the only one that force feeds this value system on its people. Our culture allows us to vacillate wildly through our twenties, party like frat boys, and then by the eve of our thirtieth birthday expects us to have an engagement ring and a 401 K in hand. We learn early that if you haven’t gotten your act together by that fateful date, it’s probably all downhill. Thirty continues to be a threatening mile-marker on life’s highway. When we hit this age, inner and outer chaos descends. (In our navel-gazing culture, it is probably a slightly heavier burden to bear.)"
"The twenties are known by some to be that relatively easy era beyond the strife of adolescence, a time of openness, discovery, and experimentation. You are no longer a wildly hormonal zit-driven hater of your parents. You’ve likely graduated from at least one institution, according to statistics, probably at least one institution of higher learning. But anyone that’s a hair beyond twenty-five knows that any light reading of the late twenties is as fake as a Louis Vuitton in Chinatown. Like most myths about aging, this one is a doozey. The twenties can be hard. Really, really hard.
But why, god, why is it so hard? The universal complaints of the Saturn Return show us that it is not a simply a falsely imposed cultural construction. Western culture (American in particular) is the only one that force feeds this value system on its people. Our culture allows us to vacillate wildly through our twenties, party like frat boys, and then by the eve of our thirtieth birthday expects us to have an engagement ring and a 401 K in hand. We learn early that if you haven’t gotten your act together by that fateful date, it’s probably all downhill. Thirty continues to be a threatening mile-marker on life’s highway. When we hit this age, inner and outer chaos descends. (In our navel-gazing culture, it is probably a slightly heavier burden to bear.)"
The Return of Saturn...
Or what I typically term the "existential crisis."
"The return of Saturn, assessing my life, second guessing."
Many of us approach our thirtieth birthdays with anxiety, even dread. We start looking for gray hairs and paying attention to ads for wrinkle creams. We question whether we are climbing the career ladder quickly enough. We hear the biological clock ticking loudly and worry that soon we will be too old to bear children.
Astrologers call the period between ages twenty-eight and thirty "Saturn Return." That's because it's the first time the planet Saturn completes its cycle through your birth chart and returns to the spot it occupied when you were born. Internationally respected astrologer Rob Hand calls Saturn Return "one of the most important times in your life. . . a time of endings and new beginnings."
For most of us, ending a phase of life that is familiar and embarking on one that is new and untried is unsettling, even painful. Few people describe Saturn Return as a pleasant period. While undergoing your Saturn Return you may find yourself turning inward and reflecting on your individual destiny. You examine your true needs and desires and the role you want to play on the world's stage. You may feel lonely and alienated from those around you, while family and friends think you are shutting them out. But this is a necessary period of consolidation, when you must retreat from the distractions of the outer world and focus on yourself at your most fundamental level. The Saturn Return is every individual's search for the Holy Grail.
Coming of Age
The first Saturn Return marks the end of youth and the beginning of the productive adult years. It is now that you truly become an adult--not at eighteen or twenty-one. You realize your need to define yourself as an individual within society and to demonstrate what you've learned. Newswoman Jane Pauley described turning thirty as having grown into womanhood. German film director Werner Herzog compared this period in his life with a maiden's loss of virginity, a line drawn across his path marking the end of his youth.
This transition into adulthood is often accompanied by a sense of urgency, a feeling that you must try to accomplish everything you've ever wanted or planned to do now. Goals start to come sharply into focus. If you have not settled into a definite career, or have been pursuing one that is inappropriate for you, you'll experience a strong push to establish yourself in a more fulfilling occupation. Sometimes this means a complete change. During his first Saturn Return Vincent Van Gogh decided to be a painter rather than a minister. More frequently it means a new direction or specialization within your chosen field.
If you have been building steadily toward a goal that's right for you, Saturn Return can be a time of achievement and rewards. Your labors bear fruit. Runner Bill Rodgers' Saturn Return marked the first of three consecutive Boston Marathon wins. William Faulkner published his first novel at age twenty-nine.
According to California astrologer Stephen Arroyo, author of Astrology, Karma and Transformation, "The quality of the entire experience and the extent to which it is felt to be a 'difficult' time depends entirely on how one has lived during the previous twenty-nine years." If you have been pursuing an unsuitable vocation or merely fulfilling someone else's expectations, Saturn can be relentless in prodding you to make adjustments.
Revising Worn Out Patterns
Saturn strips away illusions and points out limitations, allowing you to view yourself in a harsh, often unflattering light. At the same time, it endows you with prudence, practicality, and the perseverance to work hard toward achieving your purposes. Consequently, this is a good time to rearrange your career or lay the foundation for a new one.
Saturn Return almost always requires some major adjustments in lifestyle, attitudes, and relationships. Anything you have outgrown, or have tolerated but not found satisfying, must end now or be altered to meet your emerging needs. According to Hand, "Consciously or unconsciously, you are pruning your life of everything that is not relevant to what you really are as a human being."
Often interpersonal relationships are deeply affected by Saturn Return. Gail Sheehy writes in Passages: Predictable Crises in Adult Life that during this period "Almost everyone who is married will question that commitment." The U.S. Census Bureau lists the peak divorce years as ages twenty-eight to thirty. Some people experience more subtle or private adjustments in their patterns of relating, such as shifts in responsibilities. Many couples decide to become parents, not only altering their relationships but their financial obligations and perhaps their vocations as well.
If a relationship is sound, based on mutual respect, honesty, and sharing, it will probably survive the test of Saturn Return and become even stronger. But a relationship begun before the partners knew what they really wanted is likely to fall apart. Relationships that start during this period may have a "fated" or "karmic" quality about them.
When Enough is Enough
"Saturn. . . is never easy to deal with because his function is that of promoting growth," explains astrologer Liz Greene, author of Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil, "and it is only frustration and pain which at present are sufficient goads to get a human being moving." This frustration and pain have given Saturn a bad reputation. But the planet's often misunderstood value lies in its very ability to evoke pain. Like the pain of an illness, it warns that something is wrong. Saturn doesn't create the problems, it merely illuminates them.
Growth is often accompanied by trepidation and turmoil. As the old self is pushed aside to make room for the new, you may feel weak and vulnerable. You want to move ahead, yet are frustrated by a fear of doing so, torn between a compelling urge to throw off everything connected with your past and an equally frantic need to cling to the familiar rather than brave the great unknown.
Even if your external world seems to be in order, your internal structure may feel as though it's being assaulted with a battering ram. Nervous conditions, irritability, depression, insomnia, and feelings of insecurity are common. Most people go through some sort of identity crisis.
Even though your Saturn Return may be disturbing, ultimately it reveals what you truly want and sweeps away the clutter that may have been impeding your progress. Your Saturn Return is a personal spring cleaning. No matter how difficult it seems to let go of inappropriate people and things, the first Saturn Return is the time to do it. For if lessons are not learned, the problems will come knocking again during your second Saturn Return at about age fifty-eight, when you are more set in your ways. Once the conflict is confronted, the tension usually subsides. You feel stronger and more capable of moving ahead.
Saturn Return is one of the most crucial turning points you ever experience, when you assume the greatest responsibility of all: responsibility for your own life.
From http://www.newage-directory.com/saturn.html
Saturday, March 26, 2011
"Just trust me on this one."
It's funny how certain life events or happenings can you remind you of a specific time period in your life. For me right now, I have choreographed my fourth middle school musical and cannot help to reminisce. For some reason, there was always life drama going on at the same time as the drama of the stage unfolded. Hmm, I wonder if indeed art imitates life.
Honk! - I had broken up with my ex-fiancee a few months prior to starting. My heart and soul were broken.
Message - A show about the ugly ducking who turns into a beautiful swan.
I think it was about life giving me the kick in the ass I needed to go from a self-conscious and dependent girl unto the path of becoming a strong, self-actualized woman.
Once on this Island - I was in a tumultuous relationship with my last ex. I loved him but he drove me crazy.
Message - Love conquers all, even death.
Sometimes you can love someone and give them every piece of your soul, your care, your heart - but that doesn't mean they are right for you....you can't make something happen that wasn't meant to be in the long run.
Annie - Still in that same tumultuous relationship for god knows what reason- it ended a few weeks later.
Message: The sun will come out tomorrow.
Find a sugar Daddy Warbucks....lol. My relationship wasn't right and I knew that. I was just to scared of being alone again and miserable to take the steps needed to end it. I didn't have the foresight of a better phase of life.
(Now) Metaphasia - Other than my own personal existential issues, I am in a good place. No excess to worry about.
Message: Life is a constant metamorphosis.
I am in search of that major change my life needs right now - I want to move somewhere new and just start a different life chapter!
Honk! - I had broken up with my ex-fiancee a few months prior to starting. My heart and soul were broken.
Message - A show about the ugly ducking who turns into a beautiful swan.
I think it was about life giving me the kick in the ass I needed to go from a self-conscious and dependent girl unto the path of becoming a strong, self-actualized woman.
Once on this Island - I was in a tumultuous relationship with my last ex. I loved him but he drove me crazy.
Message - Love conquers all, even death.
Sometimes you can love someone and give them every piece of your soul, your care, your heart - but that doesn't mean they are right for you....you can't make something happen that wasn't meant to be in the long run.
Annie - Still in that same tumultuous relationship for god knows what reason- it ended a few weeks later.
Message: The sun will come out tomorrow.
Find a sugar Daddy Warbucks....lol. My relationship wasn't right and I knew that. I was just to scared of being alone again and miserable to take the steps needed to end it. I didn't have the foresight of a better phase of life.
(Now) Metaphasia - Other than my own personal existential issues, I am in a good place. No excess to worry about.
Message: Life is a constant metamorphosis.
I am in search of that major change my life needs right now - I want to move somewhere new and just start a different life chapter!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
HERE's where the fun begins...
It's EXISTENTIAL crisis time! That's right, folks. Line up to hear about my most recent life drama, which seems to cycle every few weeks. Now, there's nothing seriously wrong with me psychologically. Clearly if I admit my issues and put it out there for all to read, then I'm quite normal. I know this is a blog about love and relationships; I suppose this could count under the relationship with oneself and life in general.
Ever since the winter started, I feel like this year has been the most draining, negative and overall craptastic time that I've had...ever. Clearly people, I'm a bit negative. Negative is so easy or some reason. I'll blame all the damn Virgo in my birth chart. Seriously, I've dug myself into this hibernation hole wrapped up in a blanket of pessimism (and ice cream / potato chips.) That's just it though. I rationally know that it's been my own mind and thinking that has led me to act like a Negative Nancy. It's just way too complicated to merely say - think positive! That's such a damn joke to me. Any who - I clearly admit that my current state is a recipe of anger mixed in with emotional blahness and most likely an overtaxed central nervous system. A lot of that has to do with the current group of kids that I have to "teach" everyday. I take things personally and I cannot ignore the effects of emotional stress that this year has placed upon me. I wish I was one of those people that could just let things go and be fine. I'm not. It weighs on my heart and soul and with my inability to truly regulate and deal with that stress....it numbs me and clearly makes me miserable. Yes, I know, I need to channel that reality and learn to harness it better. That's what I plan to focus on. As a passionate and emotional person with a slight streak of perfectionism, it's not a do-in-one-day type of task.
This brings me to my current frustration with the one thing I love to do in life - work out. I feel like I've put myself into this shitty cage again where I feel like I am working out more for a "number" rather than for the pleasure and grit of it. I'm tired of going into the gym after a long day of teaching and musical rehearsal and not even being able to warm up properly because I have a "time limit". I'm sick of doing all these damn tests and feeling like I constantly have to measure up and compete against everyone else. Do I have a competitive streak in me? Of course but it's not my main reason for being. I love working out for a higher reason - to make me feel good, to let go of the shit from the day, and to overcome the challenges of MY mind. I feel like I have let so much of that go because I'm now just a "number". There's just this fakeness to it all. I don't feel the motivation that I used to. Sometimes, you need it from someone other than yourself - that's why I'm there. I'm so sick of doing these damn workouts that I could do at any regular gym, too. It all just boils up and with my inability to deal with stress in the first place, I have been ending up not even going in because I feel like it adds to my neuroses. I've been here before though. I know part of it is for me to change my outlook. I'm just tired, I'm just worn out, and I feel like people don't get that. I'm just expected to suck it up. Plus, I'm so sick of hearing, discussing and worrying about weight, body image, diets and food. I'm just not doing it anymore - anyway you look at it, whether is just part of your training or whatever, it's ludicrous to me. You can look good and not have to be insane about it. I'm soooo soooo tired of it. I'm not restricting and I'm not gonna try to starve myself to get "cut" and then end up gaining it all back because you binge on all the food you restrict yourself from. It's completely unhealthy to me and like I've found out before, it just screws with my mind more than anything. I always think I have something to prove by trying to do it - and I don't. It makes me miserable. It's so funny to me - you look at all these models, body builders and figure girls who are ripped (most of them on some type of gear, anyhow) and you would think they are the epitome of health. After you compete, if you have the self-control hopefully you don't go nuts but most people do and then it sparks this completely unhealthy relationship with food. I am so sick of it and I can't do it. I wasn't made for it - it's not worth it to me. In my mind, I question what good does that do for the world? I'd much rather work on my balance in life and focus on my soul so I can be out there making a difference somehow rather than living in my hole.
Jay Sull - you are right when you say I over analyze and over think things. However, it's just how I roll for the good and the bad. I feel metacognitive analysis is the key to finding inner balance. Most things just need to be figured out, in my opinion. Hmm. Maybe I need to better discern those things that just aren't worth the work and accept them for what they are. Crap, I'm sounding like some type of AA mantra.
People, I know the answers to all this lies within me. It's just good to let it all out. I think sometimes you just go through this period of life where you swallow everything up - you can't open up, you can't quite describe what you are going through to anyone. So, you just close the door on yourself until you eventually implode and have to make some major changes. I feel kinda better. I think I'm going to go clean and press and then actually clean. My apartment.
Ever since the winter started, I feel like this year has been the most draining, negative and overall craptastic time that I've had...ever. Clearly people, I'm a bit negative. Negative is so easy or some reason. I'll blame all the damn Virgo in my birth chart. Seriously, I've dug myself into this hibernation hole wrapped up in a blanket of pessimism (and ice cream / potato chips.) That's just it though. I rationally know that it's been my own mind and thinking that has led me to act like a Negative Nancy. It's just way too complicated to merely say - think positive! That's such a damn joke to me. Any who - I clearly admit that my current state is a recipe of anger mixed in with emotional blahness and most likely an overtaxed central nervous system. A lot of that has to do with the current group of kids that I have to "teach" everyday. I take things personally and I cannot ignore the effects of emotional stress that this year has placed upon me. I wish I was one of those people that could just let things go and be fine. I'm not. It weighs on my heart and soul and with my inability to truly regulate and deal with that stress....it numbs me and clearly makes me miserable. Yes, I know, I need to channel that reality and learn to harness it better. That's what I plan to focus on. As a passionate and emotional person with a slight streak of perfectionism, it's not a do-in-one-day type of task.
This brings me to my current frustration with the one thing I love to do in life - work out. I feel like I've put myself into this shitty cage again where I feel like I am working out more for a "number" rather than for the pleasure and grit of it. I'm tired of going into the gym after a long day of teaching and musical rehearsal and not even being able to warm up properly because I have a "time limit". I'm sick of doing all these damn tests and feeling like I constantly have to measure up and compete against everyone else. Do I have a competitive streak in me? Of course but it's not my main reason for being. I love working out for a higher reason - to make me feel good, to let go of the shit from the day, and to overcome the challenges of MY mind. I feel like I have let so much of that go because I'm now just a "number". There's just this fakeness to it all. I don't feel the motivation that I used to. Sometimes, you need it from someone other than yourself - that's why I'm there. I'm so sick of doing these damn workouts that I could do at any regular gym, too. It all just boils up and with my inability to deal with stress in the first place, I have been ending up not even going in because I feel like it adds to my neuroses. I've been here before though. I know part of it is for me to change my outlook. I'm just tired, I'm just worn out, and I feel like people don't get that. I'm just expected to suck it up. Plus, I'm so sick of hearing, discussing and worrying about weight, body image, diets and food. I'm just not doing it anymore - anyway you look at it, whether is just part of your training or whatever, it's ludicrous to me. You can look good and not have to be insane about it. I'm soooo soooo tired of it. I'm not restricting and I'm not gonna try to starve myself to get "cut" and then end up gaining it all back because you binge on all the food you restrict yourself from. It's completely unhealthy to me and like I've found out before, it just screws with my mind more than anything. I always think I have something to prove by trying to do it - and I don't. It makes me miserable. It's so funny to me - you look at all these models, body builders and figure girls who are ripped (most of them on some type of gear, anyhow) and you would think they are the epitome of health. After you compete, if you have the self-control hopefully you don't go nuts but most people do and then it sparks this completely unhealthy relationship with food. I am so sick of it and I can't do it. I wasn't made for it - it's not worth it to me. In my mind, I question what good does that do for the world? I'd much rather work on my balance in life and focus on my soul so I can be out there making a difference somehow rather than living in my hole.
Jay Sull - you are right when you say I over analyze and over think things. However, it's just how I roll for the good and the bad. I feel metacognitive analysis is the key to finding inner balance. Most things just need to be figured out, in my opinion. Hmm. Maybe I need to better discern those things that just aren't worth the work and accept them for what they are. Crap, I'm sounding like some type of AA mantra.
People, I know the answers to all this lies within me. It's just good to let it all out. I think sometimes you just go through this period of life where you swallow everything up - you can't open up, you can't quite describe what you are going through to anyone. So, you just close the door on yourself until you eventually implode and have to make some major changes. I feel kinda better. I think I'm going to go clean and press and then actually clean. My apartment.
On omens and signs.
There is no such thing as an omen. Destiny does not send us heralds. She is too wise or too cruel for that - Oscar Wilde
Factual information alone isn't sufficient to guide you through life's labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive a mysteriously useful omen every day of your life. -
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Let's talk about....
A Few Words On Sex
For those of us who are sexually active, I would like to point out one thing. When you have an orgasm, there is a chemical change that takes place in your body. In particular, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin that binds you emotionally to the other person. For a man, the effects of this hormone last for 48 hours. For a woman, the effects last for 14 days.This explains why, after having sex with someone who is clearly a bad fit for us, we can end up in a relationship with them, even if it’s for a short amount of time. Far too often, these relationships can turn into long term relationships that ultimately end badly.
It is recommended by relationship experts to not have sex during your dating and selection process unless you are okay with being emotionally bound to that person or having that person be emotionally bound to you for 14 days.
From http://thinksimplenow.com/
Psychics
I was in Philly over the weekend giving a guided tour to a very awesometacious person. Yes, I did make up that word. Although I have been to various parts of the City and all the "touristy" spots, I can't get around with a map or GPS. So, I'm sure my tour was a bit lackluster. :)
We're on 2nd street and walk by a store front lit up by a neon Psychic Palm Reader sign. OF COURSE I had to go in and get a reading. Now, I'm not supposed to share the details for luck reasons but where's the fun in that?
She told me that I was a good person and I was meant to be in a relationship and get married one time. Also, I'm supposed to have three kids. (Dear Lord....) Morever, I'm supposed to "lead" and not "follow" and that I will be happiest if I start my own business. (Matchmaking???) However, she told me that I have a negative aura around me that has been stopping me from finding my happiness. She described it as the result of someone else wishing me bad luck. So this negative thing is not something I necessarily have control over. (Gulp.) She said there people out there who are nice to my face but truly jealous and deep down want me to not succeed.
I know most people think this type of stuff is mumbo-jumbo...but I feel like it's true. I have felt for many years that my life is at a standstill - that I've hit a wall in relationships, dating, and happiness in general. Time to call up the Witchdoctor, I suppose. Or maybe, it really is me who has woven this negative vibe and only I can get myself out by being real and taking chances.
We're on 2nd street and walk by a store front lit up by a neon Psychic Palm Reader sign. OF COURSE I had to go in and get a reading. Now, I'm not supposed to share the details for luck reasons but where's the fun in that?
She told me that I was a good person and I was meant to be in a relationship and get married one time. Also, I'm supposed to have three kids. (Dear Lord....) Morever, I'm supposed to "lead" and not "follow" and that I will be happiest if I start my own business. (Matchmaking???) However, she told me that I have a negative aura around me that has been stopping me from finding my happiness. She described it as the result of someone else wishing me bad luck. So this negative thing is not something I necessarily have control over. (Gulp.) She said there people out there who are nice to my face but truly jealous and deep down want me to not succeed.
I know most people think this type of stuff is mumbo-jumbo...but I feel like it's true. I have felt for many years that my life is at a standstill - that I've hit a wall in relationships, dating, and happiness in general. Time to call up the Witchdoctor, I suppose. Or maybe, it really is me who has woven this negative vibe and only I can get myself out by being real and taking chances.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Excerpt from a weekly newsletter by the amazing astrologist Carol Allen:
"You can be CRAZY about a man who doesn't fully GET YOU. You can have FABULOUS chemistry with a man that doesn't make you feel listened to or understood - and it can be SO confusing. Women especially BLAME themselves for this stuff. If you've ever been in a relationship with lots of good stuff but something "off," you may not have understood that it was the energy BETWEEN you and a man, and the limitation of THE RELATIONSHIP. You may have thought the problem was somehow YOU. Perhaps you settled for the good stuff but you paid a HIGH price - making "the negative changes" and squelching your creativity and true self. You have different ways of seeing things and being in the world - and it's no one's fault."
I think this post is truly for myself. That although rationally I know all of those ideals, it doesn't make disappointment any less pervasive. It does however, help me remember that sometimes things just aren't meant to be but that doesn't make you any less fabulous. It's another lesson in the plan of life. And, you always have YOU. Listen to her. Or him.
<3
"You can be CRAZY about a man who doesn't fully GET YOU. You can have FABULOUS chemistry with a man that doesn't make you feel listened to or understood - and it can be SO confusing. Women especially BLAME themselves for this stuff. If you've ever been in a relationship with lots of good stuff but something "off," you may not have understood that it was the energy BETWEEN you and a man, and the limitation of THE RELATIONSHIP. You may have thought the problem was somehow YOU. Perhaps you settled for the good stuff but you paid a HIGH price - making "the negative changes" and squelching your creativity and true self. You have different ways of seeing things and being in the world - and it's no one's fault."
I think this post is truly for myself. That although rationally I know all of those ideals, it doesn't make disappointment any less pervasive. It does however, help me remember that sometimes things just aren't meant to be but that doesn't make you any less fabulous. It's another lesson in the plan of life. And, you always have YOU. Listen to her. Or him.
<3
Widsom happens when you least expect it.
There's probably many people out there who wonder why any single person should be giving advice or explaining ideas on relationships and love. I say, who better? It's one thing to have found the One and snuggle all comfy together on the couch and tell people it "happened when you least expected it." It's a whole other battle to actually be an active participant in the trenches of dating. If you then take the time to learn from your experiences, that's where Wisdom manifests.
Just sayin'.
Just sayin'.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
To be fair...
1. Call. Call her what?
2. Don't lie. Even in reference to 6, 7 and 14?
3. Never tape any of her body parts together. What about handcuffs?
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. Of course! Just not her....
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting. Pettings not the problem. Its f.....
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes." See (2)
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?" Ditto.
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. Don't worry. I _never_ keep secrets!
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad. Ok, then. I won't tell her what I'm ordering for her.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad. The question here, is however, being attentive to what?
The low neckline, or....
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad. Ok. Got it sorted out now, my nagging Lardass.Um... I got it the wrong way round again, didn't I?
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony. Kind of depends on what or _where_ your slapping, doesn't it? ;-)
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. Hmph.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or anything-er. Again, see (2)
15. Her cooking is excellent. Great! I love, errr, really well done steaks.....
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking. My cooking taste like something buried under a cesspool for 200 years._That_ is an excuse to avoid it...
17. Dish soap is your friend. Engine grease is too.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean. I have a shower once a week, whether I need it or not.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay. Buying her a beer does.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. Answering it with "My other Girlfriend" won't either.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?" My cousin's.. He loves drag...
22. Two words: clean socks. Yep. Got myself a pair of those. I'm saving them for a special occasion.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk. Don't be ridiculous. That white nosed elephant joke always cracks my mates up!
24. Burping is not sexy. Neither is farting. Which would you prefer?
25. You're wrong. See (2) ;-)
26. You're sorry. Yes. But I'll still do it again, next time...
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is. Nonsense. Every babe loves to hear us guys talk about the new carburetor we've just installed. And the way my mate cleaned and rebored that 28 IDA webber is just amazing. Using nothing but 90 proof, and his girls best blouse, he managed to get out all the grease that was clogging the jets. But you oughta see the way my brothers Rotary goes! He's just modified the exhaust into a freeflow system, with 4 cobies! He gets around another 30 horses from that one! It's hittin' near supersonic now. We're going to try retool the turbo. It's leaning out a little too much now at eight grand.. The freeflows creating a vacuum. When we get that down, boy, you wouldn't believe it! Hey! Wait! Where you going! I'm _really_ sorry, you know? (see 26)
28. Ditto for your discourse on football. Mate! Did you see Jona Lomu on that last try! Ran right _through_ the Springboks defence! They just couldn't stop him! I hear the wankers going to shift to league, soon, ya know... Hey! Look, I said I'm sorry! I'm not talking about cars any more, am I?
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound. In that case, I've just gone up a weight at the gym. I'm benching about 140kg's, now, you know. Wanna see my biceps? (Also another rendition of "Foreplay")
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad. See above.
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. Of course it doesn't. Just most of them.
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist. Yes. Every day of the month.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. No means "Ask me again." Yes means "Lets not waste any time then". Silence means she's probably walked out on you again during your discourse on cars...
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
Not a problem. Haven't brushed my teeth in years.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm. What? Alone at 11pm? She should be at home in bed. My bed.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. But chivalry's not as much fun as "chauvinism"
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it. Then remind her for the rest of the week about what a big favour you did her.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you. Get your best friend to call her up for you.
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't. Unless you haven't scored yet.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often. Until you've scored.
41. Always, always suck up to her brother. Always avoid her father.
42. Think boxers. "And the way Hollyfield threw that uppercut! Knocked Tyson clean out of the
game! Like a baby! What a match... Hey! Where you going?"
43. Silk boxers. Silk Boxers? Is _that_ what you call those pansy women boxers these days?
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names. As long as she remembers the day that George Foreman scored his first KO.
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses. Just get her to wear less.
46. Her haircut is never bad. Just try and convince yourself that the "birds nest and mop" look is in.
47. Don't let your friends pick on her. Don't let any other guys get near her.
48. Call. Collect.
49. Don't lie. See (2)
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything else. Oh, no! I'd be in there with her, keeping up her spirits, by telling her just what I was doing on the cars manifold for the first five hours of labour....
:)
The Rules
Rules for Men (as written by Women)
I got this compilation from one of my all-time favorite and life-changing websites called Heartless Bitches International.
Now, I know exactly what you are thinking.
A. WTH?
B. That is most surely a website devoted to insanely mean, angry, bitter, crazy, and narcissistic women.
Not by any stretch of the imagination. This website truly expresses the heart of womanhood. It gives the infamous word "bitch" a different connotation. It's not about being a mean girl, it's about being a self-actualized woman. ALSO, for all those men out there who claim to be "nice guys" yet never seem to get the right girl or perhaps attract no other type but the mean-girl bitch, this website is also for you. If your personal perspective needs a swift kick in the butt, you MUST check out this website!
Namaste, bitches!
I adored this blog entry I came across while analyzing the philosophy of yoga. Now, I am by no means a "Yoga Goddess" as described by this blog post. On the other hand, I feel what sticks out to me is the idea that so many guys are afraid of women who have discovered their inner "Goddess." That means they are comfortable in their own skin, create goals and a meaning for their life, and are intelligent and intuitive when it comes to all aspects of life and dating. These are the women who have an opinion, express their ideals and don't relish in the small-talk bull crap of the world all the time. They get to the "heart of the matter." These are the women men "say" they want yet when they do get one, they melt as fast as the Wicked Witch of the West in a puddle of insecurity and self-imposed intimidation. Time to get over yourselves, guys. Namaste.
http://namaste-bitches.blogspot.com/2010/03/guide-to-dating-yoga-goddess-damsels.html
http://namaste-bitches.blogspot.com/2010/03/guide-to-dating-yoga-goddess-damsels.html
W.W.B.D.?
What Would Bikram do?
I had this thought as I was lying in the final Svastana last night at yoga - love and pain. I had just pushed myself beyond the normal human capacity for intense physical movement within a 110 degree heated room. This type of yoga is the ultimate metaphor for life - it makes you feel uncomfortable, withering in overheated exhaustion and wanting to just do the seemingly easy thing of giving up and walking out. Yet the only thing you really have to battle is your mind. Your body can be pushed drastically beyond any measure of suffering or discomfort. Will you give up the ultimate benefits of staying the hour long course or will you give in to your egoistic thoughts that just want you to do what seems easiest at the time?
So I laid there. And instead of trying to clear my thoughts and focus on my breathing - which is a common thread linking many Eastern philosophies - I desired to just feel the discomfort, the exhaustion, the heavy breathing and over-heated particles of every bodily facet. I said to myself, if I can just embrace this "pain" for what it is, it won't become exacerbated by my attempt to ignore it.
So, is that how I showed love for myself? Is that a part of self-love? Being able to embrace the times when you are uncomfortable and not letting any external forces, including your ego-driven thoughts, control you? I think the same is true within our relationships. It's easy to walk out when things get tough. By walking out, that could be anything that distracts you from the discomfort of the situation - cheating, passive-aggressiveness, ignorance, shutting down, breaking up. I'm not saying any of those things aren't normal human reactions. (Well, EXCEPT for the cheating. It's my opinion that there's never a good enough reason to do something like that. That concept is for another post, however.) Pain and suffering is interwoven into life, relationships, and love. The greatest test for us, though, is how we perceive the discomfort and use it as a means to advance our own relationships...be it with our own thoughts or our own loved ones.
I had this thought as I was lying in the final Svastana last night at yoga - love and pain. I had just pushed myself beyond the normal human capacity for intense physical movement within a 110 degree heated room. This type of yoga is the ultimate metaphor for life - it makes you feel uncomfortable, withering in overheated exhaustion and wanting to just do the seemingly easy thing of giving up and walking out. Yet the only thing you really have to battle is your mind. Your body can be pushed drastically beyond any measure of suffering or discomfort. Will you give up the ultimate benefits of staying the hour long course or will you give in to your egoistic thoughts that just want you to do what seems easiest at the time?
So I laid there. And instead of trying to clear my thoughts and focus on my breathing - which is a common thread linking many Eastern philosophies - I desired to just feel the discomfort, the exhaustion, the heavy breathing and over-heated particles of every bodily facet. I said to myself, if I can just embrace this "pain" for what it is, it won't become exacerbated by my attempt to ignore it.
So, is that how I showed love for myself? Is that a part of self-love? Being able to embrace the times when you are uncomfortable and not letting any external forces, including your ego-driven thoughts, control you? I think the same is true within our relationships. It's easy to walk out when things get tough. By walking out, that could be anything that distracts you from the discomfort of the situation - cheating, passive-aggressiveness, ignorance, shutting down, breaking up. I'm not saying any of those things aren't normal human reactions. (Well, EXCEPT for the cheating. It's my opinion that there's never a good enough reason to do something like that. That concept is for another post, however.) Pain and suffering is interwoven into life, relationships, and love. The greatest test for us, though, is how we perceive the discomfort and use it as a means to advance our own relationships...be it with our own thoughts or our own loved ones.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Why is it so complicated? a.k.a. Is it just me?
I just had this revelation - I am so tired of reading all this crap about men, relationships, psychology, women, dating, marriage....okay, well. I'm not tired of the topics but I'm tired of feeling like I have to be this other version of myself as a single chick out in the dating world. Examples:
"Don't EVER let a man know he is wrong"
"ALWAYS let the guy make the first move"
"Give him what he wants when he wants it"
I can't stand the garble anymore! Why on frickin earth does there have to be all these rules and regulations when it comes to men and women? I get it. We are different. We have different needs, interests, ways of communicating, ways of reacting, ways to deal with emotions. I just know one thing - I NEED TO BE MY MYSELF. ALL OF ME. FROM THE MOMENT I MEET YOU. It's not to say we should lay our emotional and psychological baggage down at each others' feet but dammit. "Mating" should not be this tough.
Humans aren't built to be simple. Just look at the intricacies of our own physical bodies; the manifestation of a human life within a woman; the complexity of our minds. Granted, we sometimes make simple things more intricate than need be...but we are not built to just "be" easy. Life will never be just "easy." Love will never, ever be "easy." So why do I feel like so many people just look for the "easy" instead of taking a chance on a challenge?
You know what, peel back the layers and you have something quite profound. Beyond the glitz, the wit, the boisterous laughter and colorful facade, there's a deep, beautiful soul hidden. This is the treasure of humanity, a treasure we all posses. This is what you need to take patience with seeking within someone else.
"Don't EVER let a man know he is wrong"
"ALWAYS let the guy make the first move"
"Give him what he wants when he wants it"
I can't stand the garble anymore! Why on frickin earth does there have to be all these rules and regulations when it comes to men and women? I get it. We are different. We have different needs, interests, ways of communicating, ways of reacting, ways to deal with emotions. I just know one thing - I NEED TO BE MY MYSELF. ALL OF ME. FROM THE MOMENT I MEET YOU. It's not to say we should lay our emotional and psychological baggage down at each others' feet but dammit. "Mating" should not be this tough.
Humans aren't built to be simple. Just look at the intricacies of our own physical bodies; the manifestation of a human life within a woman; the complexity of our minds. Granted, we sometimes make simple things more intricate than need be...but we are not built to just "be" easy. Life will never be just "easy." Love will never, ever be "easy." So why do I feel like so many people just look for the "easy" instead of taking a chance on a challenge?
You know what, peel back the layers and you have something quite profound. Beyond the glitz, the wit, the boisterous laughter and colorful facade, there's a deep, beautiful soul hidden. This is the treasure of humanity, a treasure we all posses. This is what you need to take patience with seeking within someone else.
It's Evolution, baby?
Will communication never be the same because of technology? Does that mean the definition of humanity and interpersonal relations have changed?
I think we've become too engulfed by our own Selves. Our Culture has Popped the best out of us recently. I blame computers and the like for that one. Don't get me wrong. I love me some technology but in the race to globally connect, I think that true human connection has been lost. How funny is it to walk into a coffee shop and see people texting and tweeting each other instead of talking. I grew up without a cell phone and a high tech computer and did pretty well for myself. As kids, we went outside and played made up games and used our imaginations and acted out our ideas. We used the telephone to talk to someone or, shockingly, talked to them in person. Look at our parents. They didn't have google and seemed to figure everything out okay. It may have taken a little bit longer though. Most of today's kids have not learned the value of hard work and perseverance and that no, you are not entitled to anything but the ability to breathe. I accredit some of that to years of ridiculous reality television and the rise of pop culture 'sensations' who have done nothing positive for humanity.
What we all need to do is get back to basics. I feel as though we allow too many superficial things rule our lives because we are scared of our own humanity. Everything we buy and buy into is just a distraction from having to figure out who we really and how we can deal with our issues with other people. Who are the "Jones'" but an invention of our own damn capitalistic egos. No wonder so many are Depressed. In the end, we are humans. We all need to experience the realness of human connection which no simulation or thing can provide. We need to be able to communicate and overcome the issues that plague many of our families and ourselves - Fear. Anxiety. Stress. Miscommunication. Grief. Mistrust. Lack of self-esteem. Settling. Hurt.
Maybe you have balanced the best of both worlds. The challenge for all of us is to not let the evolution of society slowly erase the true values that characterize humanity and sustain true happiness.
I think we've become too engulfed by our own Selves. Our Culture has Popped the best out of us recently. I blame computers and the like for that one. Don't get me wrong. I love me some technology but in the race to globally connect, I think that true human connection has been lost. How funny is it to walk into a coffee shop and see people texting and tweeting each other instead of talking. I grew up without a cell phone and a high tech computer and did pretty well for myself. As kids, we went outside and played made up games and used our imaginations and acted out our ideas. We used the telephone to talk to someone or, shockingly, talked to them in person. Look at our parents. They didn't have google and seemed to figure everything out okay. It may have taken a little bit longer though. Most of today's kids have not learned the value of hard work and perseverance and that no, you are not entitled to anything but the ability to breathe. I accredit some of that to years of ridiculous reality television and the rise of pop culture 'sensations' who have done nothing positive for humanity.
What we all need to do is get back to basics. I feel as though we allow too many superficial things rule our lives because we are scared of our own humanity. Everything we buy and buy into is just a distraction from having to figure out who we really and how we can deal with our issues with other people. Who are the "Jones'" but an invention of our own damn capitalistic egos. No wonder so many are Depressed. In the end, we are humans. We all need to experience the realness of human connection which no simulation or thing can provide. We need to be able to communicate and overcome the issues that plague many of our families and ourselves - Fear. Anxiety. Stress. Miscommunication. Grief. Mistrust. Lack of self-esteem. Settling. Hurt.
Maybe you have balanced the best of both worlds. The challenge for all of us is to not let the evolution of society slowly erase the true values that characterize humanity and sustain true happiness.
How to heart yourself.
It's actually more of a question that I've been pondering. Everyone - from my friends, to authors, to psychotherapists - says that before you can truly love anyone else in a healthy way you have to love yourself. What does that exactly mean? (I always envision those happy-go-lucky people wearing "I <3 Me" t-shirts with huge smiles plastered across their faces.) Sometimes I feel that the blissfully ignorant - in my view those with a lack of needing to over-analyze every facet of life and self - are indeed pretty damn lucky. I feel like if I could only get over myself, my mind, my need to see the depth in everything, I'd be perfectly fine.
How do you get to the point of solely focusing on your inside spirit when we live in a world focused on external appearance and accomplishments? Some people may say religion or God brings you to that revelation. It's not that I'm against those ideals - I'm a highly spiritual person - but it doesn't seem to jive with the existential roller coaster I seem to ride on a weekly basis. I thought I did a good job of learning to envelop myself in my own skin last summer...why does stress seem to strip away all that hard-fought tranquility? It's as though I take out the disappointments and emotional stress of others upon myself. Stress just seems to eat away at my spirit. I had an interesting conversation today with some co-workers who made an interesting point. I may be able to bench 20 pounds over my own weight...but when it comes to just dealing with, well, the stress of life, I'm using 5 pound dumbbells. Are there any other light weights out there?
How do you get to the point of solely focusing on your inside spirit when we live in a world focused on external appearance and accomplishments? Some people may say religion or God brings you to that revelation. It's not that I'm against those ideals - I'm a highly spiritual person - but it doesn't seem to jive with the existential roller coaster I seem to ride on a weekly basis. I thought I did a good job of learning to envelop myself in my own skin last summer...why does stress seem to strip away all that hard-fought tranquility? It's as though I take out the disappointments and emotional stress of others upon myself. Stress just seems to eat away at my spirit. I had an interesting conversation today with some co-workers who made an interesting point. I may be able to bench 20 pounds over my own weight...but when it comes to just dealing with, well, the stress of life, I'm using 5 pound dumbbells. Are there any other light weights out there?
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