http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/life-lessons-the-danger-of-making-assumptions-about-people-and-relationships/

An enlightening article about our assumptions a.k.a. "but he/she JUST should have KNOWN....." Um, no.

Cottleston Pie

From The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff

"As we have likely recognized by now, no two snowflakes, trees or animals are alike. No two people are the same, either. Everything has its own Inner Nature. Unlike other forms of life, though, people are easily led away from what's right for them, because people have Brain, and Brain can be fooled. Inner Nature, when relied on, cannot be fooled. But many people do not look at it or listen to it, and consequently do not understand themselves very much. Having little understanding of themselves, they have little respect for themselves, and are therefore easily influenced by others.

The Way of Self-Reliance starts with recognizing who we are, what we've got to work with, and what works best for us."

"How can you get very far,

If you don't know Who You Are?

How can you do what you ought,

If you don't know What You've Got?

And if you don't know Which To Do

Of all the things in front of you,

Then what you'll have when you are through

Is just a mess without a clue

Of all the best that can come true

If you know What and Which and Who."

"Sooner or later we're bound to discover some things about ourselves that we don't like. Do we want to get rid of them completely, change them into other things, or use them in beneficial ways...while pounding on the piano keys may produce noise, removing them doesn't exactly further the creation of music."

About the past...

"Maybe I was just addicted to the exquisite pain of wanting a man so unavailable...."

E and I.

Ego and Intuition - how do I know what I am hearing?

1. Intuition is not wishy-washy

When your intuition provides you with advice, you do not question it. It speaks, you listen, end of story. However, when your ego provides advice you will probably experience doubt as to whether this is the right way to go or not. There will still be a lot of chatter and follow up questions. You will probably start to argue with your ego.

2. Intuition provides guidance not direction

Ego tells you what to do and told you why. Intuition, however, does not tell you what to do. Instead, it told you what you know to be true about yourself. Intuition provides you with universal truths about yourself. It is up to you what you are going to do about that truth. Can you stay in the relationship and be respected? If so, then you can stay. If not, you should leave. The choice is left up to you.

3. Intuition feels different

Intuition feels slightly differently for each person; however, within an individual it has a different feel from her ego.

Here are some signs to check for:

• Breathing – Is it deep and smooth? That is your intuition. Or is it shallow and rapid? That is your ego.
• Body – Are all your muscles completely relaxed? That is your intuition. Or, is there an area of your body which is tense? Ego.
• Awareness – Is the entire world shut out, and you are in pure thought? Intuition. Or, are you aware of your environment. Likely your ego.

It’s a matter of elimination

In the end, differentiating between your intuition and ego boils down to a matter of elimination.

Was that my intuition? Uh, no, something was off there.
Was that my intuition? Uh, yes, that felt absolutely right.

I am going to use the analogy of learning a new sport, like golf. When you first learn how to golf, you analyze your swing after the fact. Eventually, you make the perfect swing and you realize there is nothing to analyze. You just know from the feel that it was the perfect shot.

The same holds true for your intuition. Just keep using it and pay attention. Was I tense? Did I argue with myself? One day, you will have a complete Ah-ha! Moment and you will know THAT was your intuition.

Set fire to the rain

Enjoying this work free Friday, I decided to take myself out to lunch whilst running errands. It was just me and my salad and coffee, tranquilly people-watching. Everyone eating alone seemed to need a distraction - whether it  be a cell phone, a laptop, or some other technical device. Clearly there are valid reasons people need to be "plugged in" at all times....but I couldn't help question why. Why can't we just enjoy the solidarity of being alone in the crowd? Just enjoying our peace, freedom and individuality? Why the insecurity?

Now to the tune of...still being single.

I haven't had much to write about lately being wrapped up in other life stresses. I still think about the same questions and wonder the same things. Still off day dreaming once in a while, too.

Math with meaning.

http://psychicvisions.org/numerology_karmic.htm

KARMIC NUMBER 9

Number 9's can correct their karma by displaying more faith in the concept that the universe is a benevolent, rather than a cruel place. Detaching from their emotions and consistently displaying an upbeat and positive attitude usually brings them great rewards. Your biggest fear is that others will never trust you or vice versa. Others' first impression of you might be of a person that is desperately seeking approval or as passive aggressive.

On arrangement...

They are seen by many as business deals that have little to do with love. But arranged marriages are far more likely to lead to lasting affection than marriages of passion, experts claim. According to research, those in arranged marriages – or who have had their partner chosen for them by a parent or matchmaker – tend to feel more in love as time grows, whereas those in regular marriages feel less in love over time. And within ten years, the connection felt by those in arranged marriages is said to be around twice as strong. Relationship experts claim this is because arranged matches are carefully considered, with thought going into whether potential partners’ families, interests and life goals are compatible. This means they are more likely to commit for life – and to stick together through rocky patches. Those who marry for love, on the other hand, tend to be blinded by passion and so overlook these crucial details.

When the going gets tough, they are more likely to view the situation simply as a natural end to their romantic dream – a way of fate telling them something is wrong with the relationship. With soaring divorce rates and record numbers of single-parent households in the West, researchers suggest it is time to rethink the Western approach to love. Harvard academic Dr Robert Epstein has studied the subject of arranged marriages for eight years, looking at the approaches taken in cultural groups including Indian, Pakistani and Orthodox Jewish. He has interviewed more than 100 couples in arranged marriages to assess their strength of feeling and studied his findings against more than 30 years of research into love in Western and arranged marriages.

His work suggests that feelings of love in love matches begin to fade by as much as a half in 18 months, whereas the love in the arranged marriages tends to grow gradually, surpassing the love in the unarranged marriages at about the five-year mark. Ten years on, the affection felt by those in arranged marriages is typically twice as strong. Dr Epstein believes this is because Westerners leave their love lives to chance, or fate, often confusing love with lust, whereas those in other cultures look for more than just passion. He said: ‘The idea is we must not leave our love lives to chance. We plan our education, our careers and our finances but we’re still uncomfortable with the idea that we should plan our love lives. I do not advocate arranged marriages but I think a lot can be learned from them. ‘In arranged marriages, thought goes into the matching. In the West, physical attraction is important. But people must be able to distinguish lust from love. Strong physical attraction is very dangerous, it can be blinding. ‘In the West marriages are easy to get out of. But in arranged marriages, the commitment is very strong. They get married knowing they won’t leave, so when times are harder – if they face injury or trauma – they don’t run away. It brings them closer.’

Francine Kaye, relationship expert and author of The Divorce Doctor, added: ‘There is an awful lot to be said for arranged marriages. They are determined to make it work. ‘I have seen in arranged marriages in the Orthodox Jewish community that the parents very carefully look at compatibility – it is not left to chance. They do their homework on their characteristics, their values, morals and life goals. ‘It should be pointed out that arranged marriages work because culturally marriage is seen differently. We have a very romantic view of marriage. Theirs is more pragmatic.‘There is a downside to arranged marriages though – no matter how pragmatic you are in choosing a partner, there always needs to be chemistry.’

Never take your rights for granted.

An excerpt from The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seierstad


"In Afghanistan a woman's longing for love is taboo. It is forbidden by the tribes' notion of honor...Young people have no right to meet, to love, or to choose. Love has little to do with romance; on the contrary, love can interpreted as committing a serious crime, punishable by death. The undisciplined are cruelly killed. Should only one guilty party be executed, it is invariably the woman.

Young women are above all objects to be bartered or sold...Decisions are made according to the advantages the marriage brings to the tribe - feelings are rarely taken into consideration."

This one's for the girls...

THE FOUR CRITICAL KEYS TO LOVE

By Carol Allen (My favorite astrologist / relationship coach)

1. He must be relationship-oriented.

This is THE MOST IMPORTANT KEY. You must find a man that's "relationship material." He must be WANTING a relationship, and available for one, and know how to do them in the first place. Relationship-oriented men are obvious. They're usually in relationships! They like women. They like their mothers (or at least have forgiven her...). They have friends. They get along with people at work. They're philosophical about their exes - or friends with them still! (Which, while it may annoy you, is a GOOD SIGN.) Men who are not relationship-oriented are the opposite of this. They're usually NOT in relationships. And if they are, they're SHORT and end badly. They're not close to their families - or they're WAY TOO close to their families...They whine about their friends, or they have lots of drama with their friends, they hate everybody at work, or they spend most of their time alone. They HATE their exes, or call them "psycho." And this is the way they were LONG BEFORE they met you, and it's how they'll be LONG AFTER you're gone. You cannot turn a man who is not good at relationships or healthy enough emotionally to be in them... into a man who is. You don't have enough fairy dust up your sleeve. Better women have tried and failed, and failed some more...Don't tell yourself that HUGE LIE women tell themselves - "Once he sees how GREAT we are together, he'll WANT a relationship and he'll CHANGE."

2. It must be time for love.

Amazingly, astrology can reveal when you're in a "season of love" and when you're NOT. And when you're not, it doesn't matter how hard you try, or who you meet. You could hire the best matchmaker in the world, and be on every Internet dating site there is, and you wouldn't find HIM. Because to find the ONE it has to be TIME. Now, when it IS time, it's easy. Just as flowers can't grow when the ground is frozen and there's snow on top of them, but they can and effortlessly DO when the snow has melted and the conditions are right - there's nothing you have to DO once the conditions are right. He'll find you, and you'll find him, and that will be that. So many women come to me just MYSTIFIED at how much effort they're making to meet men, and at how badly it's going. Love isn't a "number's game" as so many people say. When it isn't time, it's not about numbers. It's about WAITING for when it is time, and focusing on having the best life possible in the meantime, so you'll be as attractive and ready for a great man when it IS time. This isn't just astrological, by the way. Studies show that a whopping FIFTY PERCENT of men getting married report that they COULD have just as easily married someone else from their past and been just as happy with her - but that THE TIMING WASN'T RIGHT - a move, a job change, a family drama, etc. GOT IN THE WAY and ended that other relationship. And that part of why they're marrying the woman they're marrying, is that THE TIMING FEELS RIGHT. It's such a relief to know this isn't your fault, you're not doing anything wrong, and you shouldn't "try harder" or "make more effort." You just have to wait...

3. He has to be the kind of person you're looking for, and you have to be the kind of person he's looking for.

Okay - so here's what that means...You can meet a great guy. He can be a "relationship guy." It can be a good time in both of your lives for a relationship - you're not involved with anyone else, you have the room in your schedules, you both want a relationship, etc. But you have to WANT the same kind of life. Or it won't work...Think about it.One of the biggest reasons couples break up is when one of them wants children and the other one doesn't. Or - one of them wants to live in the city and the other one wants to live in the country. One of you might be of a religion that requires you marry someone ELSE of that religion. But - you guessed it - you're not the same religion, and the non-religious person doesn't want to convert. So you have to be the kind of person he's looking for, and he has to be the kind of person you're looking for. And if you're not - then RUN, RUN, RUN. You're not going to make a nice, quiet chess player into a party animal. Or a man who hates snow into one who wants to go skiing every weekend in the wintertime. Or a man who doesn't care about material things and isn't very ambitious into one who wants to build an empire for you. If you want an empire - go find an emperor. Or build one yourself. So get clear on the kind of life you want and the kind of guy you'll need to have that life, and then go find him - and RESIST all others...

4. You have to be astrologically compatible.

Okay, so I started off by making this sound like it's not that big of a deal. Well, IT IS. It's just that it's not THE ONLY deal. But here's the thing - if you're not compatible then nothing else will matter. If you don't feel good around him, if you can't talk and have him understand what you're saying, if you don't have a foundation of friendship and healthy attraction for each other - you WON'T be happy no matter how much else is working for you...No matter what a great guy he is. No matter how much you both may want a relationship. No matter how much you both want the same things in life. It's one of the CRITICAL KEYS to love - so it's CRITICAL. As in - if it ain't happening, it's PARTY OVER. So please don't work too hard in a relationship. You're working too hard if your guy never sees your side, or invalidates your feelings all the time, or thinks you shouldn't want what you want. Believe it or not - all of that can be seen and more in the most amazing compatibility technique from the system of astrology of India - and it's been used forever to arrange marriages because it's that good.

Okay, so I said there are four critical keys to love. I lied. There are FIVE. The first four can be seen in the stars. The fifth cannot. But it's every bit as important - if not more so. And, again, since it's critical, without this last thing, you can't be successful for long EVEN if you have ALL of the other four. What could it possibly be that can ruin a relationship with ALL the other keys? One with a good man who wants what you want, who is in the right timing, who you are compatible with - how can ANYTHING go wrong with all of that? Well, imagine if that man started drinking too much. Or working too much.Or if he fell for someone else... It happens. All the time. Two good people get together and they have a good thing for a while - even maybe a LONG while - and then one of them starts doing something to HARM or NEGLECT the relationship. And all that other good stuff goes OUT the window.

In a nutshell - the fifth critical key is to have GOOD RELATIONSHIP SKILLS.

Now, this can sound like it's the same as #1. If a guy is a relationship-oriented guy, then you'd think he'd have good relationship skills - right? Not always. And you might get along great with your family and be everyone's best friend, but you might not have good relating skills when it comes to a CLOSE, PERSONAL, INTIMATE, PRIMARY relationship. Most people don't. Think about it - we're not taught this stuff in school. We have no good role models in the media. Over half of us have parents that divorced. Why should we have a clue how to do relationships? I'm constantly amazed at how little most healthy, smart, attractive, otherwise together people know when it comes to relating. It's why I became a relationship coach on top of an astrologer - time after time giving readings wasn't the thing that people needed - and it didn't really help them. They were trying to find the reason for their miserable love lives, trying to "blame the stars" for their latest breakup, or lack of closeness with their partner - when usually it was that they didn't understand how to communicate, or how to ask for what they wanted, or how to inspire their partner to show up for them... And once they learned THAT stuff - they couldn't believe how much their relationships improved, and how much they were able to get "back that spark..." So, if you've lost your spark with the one you love, or if he USED to seem like your dream man but now you're not so sure, or if he's withdrawn from you and not as enthusiastic as you'd like, then your relationship skills need an upgrade.

You can have EVERYTHING you long for in love - but only if you have ALL FIVE of the keys I've just described. Please don't compromise or settle for anything less. It won't make you happy and it won't last.

Why love is not an emotion

After attempting to express my own "definition," I came across this  in a book I am currently reading.

From the book "The Language of Emotions" by Karla McLaren

When an emotion is healthy, it arises only when it's needed, it shifts and changes in response to its environment, and it recedes willingly once it has addressed an issue. When love is healthy, it does none of these things. Love does not increase or decrease...and it does not change with the changing winds. Love is not an emotion; it doesn't behave the way emotions do. Real love is in a category of its own.

Those things we've learned to equate with love - the longing, the physical attraction, the shared hobbies, the desire, the yearning, the lust, the projections, the addictive cycles, the passions - those things move and change and fluctuate in the way emotions do, but they're not love. Love is utterly stable and utterly unaffected by any emotion. When we love truly, we can experience all our free-flowing, mood state, and raging-rapids emotions, while continuing to love and honour our loved ones. Love isn't the opposite of fear or anger or any other emotion. Love is much, much deeper than that.

For some people, love is merely adoration, which is a form of projection (creating an "ideal" image of who someone is)...it's what passes for love in many relationships: you find someone who can act out your unlived material (the parts of you that you don't necessarily honor) attach yourself to them, and enter into a haunted carnival ride of moods and desires. When the projections fall and you see your adoration target for who he or she truly is, you become disillusioned and try to reattach your projections, or even seek another person to project unto. But that's not love, because real love doesn't play games with other people's souls, and it doesn't depend upon what you can project unto your partner or what you can get out of the relationship. Real love is a prayer and a deathless promise: an unwavering dedication to the soul of your loved one and the soul of the world...real love never wavers. Real love endures all emotions, and it survives trauma, betrayal, divorce and even death.

Love doesn't restrict itself to romantic relationships. Love is everywhere. When you're lost and you can't seem to find love anywhere, you're listening to love in human language instead of listening to the language of love.

Rollin' in the deep. (Just a normal day for me.)

I found this quote I had written in an old journal of mine. My computer's been acting up so I've been forced to do what I said the whole point of not having cable was - to read and write.


"Love is not a habit, a commitment or a debt. It isn't what romantic songs tell us it is - love simply is. No definitions. Love and don't ask too many questions."

I disagree. I think we all have a photograph of love in our minds, a snapshot of how our hearts function.

What is love to you?
What does it feel like?
What does it sound like?
What would it look like?
Are we even supposed to perceive it in such figurative dimensions?

I don't easily give my heart out. I've been in love three times. I'm not even sure if I'd call those last two real love - more like infatuation gone wild. However, all loves are indeed learning experiences.


Some people say love is a verb - I say love is when your soul has been ignited on fire.

It's intense, it's full of depth. it's the merging of two hearts and two souls. It's wanting to know every facet of another human being - the good and the bad, the true and the imaginary. It's diving into another person's soul and wrapping yourself up in it. It's transformative. You have a natural understanding and accept them for every single part of who they are - past and present. It's the feeling that you are going home - it's comfort. You have to be with that person; it's not the quantity that matters as much as the quality. You want to stay in that moment of peace and embracing forever. You desire to express every intricate idea and thought about life, about love, about you, about them, about your dreams, your hopes, your desires, your past, your present, your feelings, your fears. It's the feeling that you would go to battle for a person and not seek or demand anything in return. It encompasses trust and because of that, it doesn't cage you in but allows you to float freely and come back together like two pieces of a puzzle. There's a raw passion to love that is often diminished by the chores of daily life; a passion that only you can keep pulsating by taking the time to step out of the mundane world into the one you create with your love.

This sentiment, which lies within me, is probably easily picked up by others and is probably why I'm still single.  A lot of people just don't do intense - it's a somewhat scary quality to deal with. Most people like simple and easy. I'm glad I wrote that. It's nice to just admit and embrace that I'm not "simple and easy". No one may have the same ideas as I do but hopefully, I will find someone who understands it.

Some Sex. And the city.

I had a friend text me and say that he had recently watched Sex and the City 2. Now, I loved the movie despite it's lack luster critiques. However, as I started to think about it Carrie kind of pissed me of in the movie. Here she is FINALLY married to the man who a. broke her heart multiple times and b. drove her penchant for over-analysis into cosmic gears with his apparent emotional unavailability and fear of commitment. In real life, I highly doubt their marriage ever would have happened. Carrie's passion and love intimidated him. Anywho - back to the movie. The girls jet-set off to Abu-Dabi and OF COURSE who does Carrie run into? Aiden. The ex-fiancee who was never really her type anyway. Complete opposites. Well, since Carrie was having one of those "stale" periods in her marriage, i.e. normalcy, she decides to go on a dinner date with Aiden who is also married with kids. At the end of dinner, these two good-looking ex- lovers are taking a midnight stroll through this romantical tunnel in the mystical city and OF COURSE make-out! I know, I know. It was a very Carrie thing to do...she's never satisfied and always looking for that "thrill."

I think the idea it brought me to was why getting what you want still doesn't bring happiness in some cases. I understand that Big was starting to get kind of blah in the relationship but that's when you communicate and make compromises. She should have known better, lol, or at least thought back to all the crap she went through while being single.

Just sayin.