I'm sure this post will be a lovely conglomeration of thoughts. A mixing bowl full of randomness.
On life perspective: So I jacked up my knee this week. I felt like someone took away my ability to breathe. No really. I probably cried 1,348.34 tears the day after it happened. My reaction probably renders me as a workout addict - I think I was more upset than after my last break-up.Although it's nothing immensely major, I won't be able to do much with the lower body for at least a week and that's probably pushing it. It's like I went from being a moving freight train to a turtle. The odd thing is - my belief in everything happening for a reason is paramount to feeling better and understanding the situation. I've taken my abilities for granted - even the mere fact of just being able to walk around leisurely. For a long time I had been caught up in the selfish parameters of feeling depressed for no good reason, while pushing myself beyond bodily limits in hopes of....that's just it. For no good reason. Being better or stronger means nothing if your soul is weak. I realize I have based too much of Myself on what I can do rather than who I am. I've been striving to keep up with this "work out" image I attempted to create for myself, knowing that it felt empty and soul less. I was pushing myself to the point of actually hating the push. I think I got hurt because what I was doing ceased to be about me and more about this underlying competitive beast that permeates the world of "athletics." I truly understand the need for balance now and not driving yourself to the brink of physical madness. It's a soulful thing that I don't think most people will understand but it makes sense to me. This injury was the cessation I needed to take a view of the Big Picture and realize that life is about doing more and being more than just a facade - there is something else out there I need to doing in order to make the world better. I can't define myself and my life through competition, times and weights. Some people only feel secure when they can "beat" someone else or get rewarded for self-sacrifice. For me, the greatest reward is the sanctity of my inner peace and authenticity. The only true way to "happiness" in this ever fluctuating world is to listen to your soul and find something that truly makes a difference in the lives of OTHER people. I hope to discover that.....
On dating perspective: People need to get over their shallowness. Yes, it's important to take care of yourself and have a physical attraction but that's not all there is to life. Plus, you need to check yourself and not let your issues interfere with someone who does like you for who you are. If you can't believe that - then you still have a lot of soul-searching to do. Until you are happy within yourself and by yourself, no one will be able to cultivate it for you. You'll just end up pushing away the authentically good people and attracting the whack jobs. And remember - if something doesn't feel right, trust your intuition. Personally, I'm still in a realm of confusion as per usual. The only thing to do is go with the flow and chalk your experiences up to life lessons - stepping stones to the gateway of wisdom.
Random - I remember a guy saying to me that he all he wanted in a future wife was someone hot, who kept herself physically appealing. Give me a moment to chuckle, please. What about being a compassionate person? Being able to help a relationship flourish? Having a great sense of humor and the ability to hold a creatively intellectual conversation...........?
The summer is near - let the revitalization begin.
Peace and love.
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